we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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