My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
