there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
