i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize