I must be too annoying 4 u.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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