Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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