At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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