During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
