Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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