he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
