Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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