tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
