um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
