What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize