i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
