there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
