Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
