Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
