Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
