You made me cry and you don't even care
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
