Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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