Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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