Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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