The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
