And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
