I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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