The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
