we have pet lesbian snakes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
