I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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