So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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