and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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