I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
