waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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