You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
