after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
