This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
