I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
