In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize