I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize