I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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