There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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