Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
