the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
