shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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