Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
