So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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