if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
