I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
