So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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