Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize