so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
