First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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