Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
