So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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