the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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