Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
