i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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